07 September 2015

Will

Will ANYBODY EVER      fucking call me or hang out with me or hold a fucking conversation with me?

I spent all my life studying at the best schools available and chasing jobs and reading and tabulating so that i end up living my last years then dying (of grief and insomnia) amid fucking gypsies and provincial doormen squatting all around my apartment?!

I need to speak to fucking musicians, programmers, to people of my age, to women of my age.

I want to have a fucking intelligent conversation.

I want to be of ANY fucking use in ANY of the fucking fields i've toiled so much in - for years - alone - without the slightest help from anyone.

I need music production help, programming help, software configuration help, reality checks and life advice!!!

I need some intelligent company other than the fucking doormen and their very large extended family squatting in the courtyard outside my bathroom, listening to me fart in my bathroom and laughing!

I need an intelligent conversation! It is not fair to end up isolated for years without any friends or conversation!

The fucking rich snobs from school and college who've snubbed and isolated me complained i lacked social smarts.

Well, by now, i've lost ALL the social skills I learned in the 80s and 90s and 2000s!

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Through 20 ~ 30 years i've impressed NO ONE with any redeeming quality about me that would make ANYONE want to call me - particularly after years of isolation?

Are those people insane?!

it's not my fault NOBODY ever looks me up for favors or help !

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