the parents

i've always - up to now - refrained from talking specifically about my parents and the shit they do to me, mainly because most of my former friends' parents are dead - and i wanted neither to hurt their feeling on that front, nor invite envy of the fact that my parents are still alive that might actually precipitate their death.

But this just takes the cake and once again cements the fact that their mistreatment of me is one of the biggest obstructions and impediments in my life on all fronts - they have interfered with my well being, people's perceptions of me, people taking licenses in disrespecting me by either putting me on a false pedestal (like smother) and demeaning me (father).

so this snippet from my diary today really is a classic example of their hiding facts, their harmful taciturnness, their failure to stand up for me when required, etc.:

even though i withheld the monthly from the doorwoman for svrl reasons,
all having to do with basic respect, and her continual impertinence
and lies,
she went to my parents and father gave her the monthly, even though at the
start of the month i expressly asked him not to give it to her.

i tell them about it on the phone, they say she went to them and starting yelling

then the honorable father starts cursing my mother,
who then comes to me , and whom i kick out.

then it turns out they're both lying.
and i'm not sure whether she went to them
and according to him, she was yelling and mother told him to pay her
to stop her yelling,
or she whether talked to the father as he passed by the building.

result, my will and retort to her impertinence is completely lost and
nullified, and i cannot even tell the truth from falsity.

as usual people - like the thugs outside my apartment whistling and
yelling and who just this morning made falsetto laughs mocking me
as i was about to leave the building after many days shut in,
- are given the lesson that it is okay to disrespect me and it is okay
to treat me like shit.