why i am great and shunned

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why i am great

1- during the final exams of the preparatory grades (equivalent to middle school), because our school was the best and literally the largest, the exams were administered there not just for the school's pupils but also those of other schools, public schools - the egyptian masses.
The exams were administered and managed by the corrupt staff of the egyptian ministry of education (if ever there was an oxymoron).
Anyway, I was the ONLY student to stand up (literally stand up) to cheating carried out by the ministry's staff for the egyptian low-lives from the public schools.
Their outcry was so great, that school kids from the public schools (the unwashed masses), gathered around my school's entrances with chains and stuff vowing to teach me a lesson.
i had to be smuggled out in my school's director's car - the director was a priest.

2- on the opening night of a play for which i worked as stage manager and an extra, the director, a former friend, Ahmed el-Attar, struck me, punched me. he gave himself such license. instead of walking out on him and on his play, i carried out my role and let the show go on - out of the principle that, well, the show must go on.

3- when people or organizations show kindness to others or when justice is reclaimed i become so moved that i cry or laugh.

4- i have been moved to tears by the rustle of tree leaves and by the beauty and majesty of nature (that God created).

5- when beggars approach me, knowing full well they could be swindlers, i give them more than they expect. Sometimes i give them hundreds of pounds.

6- I got invited once by a local on sight to a sufi seance when on a trip to the provinces.

7- I wrote the farewell address from my school's class when finishing the high-school or secondary grades, before going to college.

Despite this - and item number 1 - none of the mother fuckers from my school care for my friendship.

8- at nearly every job i've ever had i was praised for my technical skills but was fired directly or indirectly because the staff did not respond to me or like me and/or because of my verbal outburts or temper.

9- i once spent a night inside the great pyramid of Xufu (Cheops).

10- i am true and trusty (except when i'm having temper tantrums).

11- i learned most of my mediocre knowledge by myself.

12- i spent childhood mostly alone at home, reading and browsing books (and movies).

13- i have never finished a project, so much life constantly distracts and fucks me.

14- everybody hates and/or despises me. and those that love me can't speak up for me because of my tantrums.

15- there are many contradictory rumours about me - all of them false.

16-  i live alone and a stranger and will die alone and a stranger.

17- in heart, i am a moslem and an american. as Patty Smith once said.
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why i am shunned,

because my fellow egyptians are complete imbeciles and assholes on top of that.
because i am among the poorest of the "rich", and among the richest of the "poor" i get despised by both the rich and the poor.
thus doormen, garage attendants (even though i don't have a car), landlords, taxi drivers, former friends, siblings, cousins, they all hate me, for reasons ranging from envying me and my apparently easy life, to despising me as an inferior.
Completely oblivious they are to any qualities i have such as my charity, my frankness, my inability to hide my feelings, my knowledge (meager and mediocre at best by international standards among the learned but substantial by the standards of egyptians), and my multiple interests and mediocre skills in them, such as knowing about (as in having formally studied and sometimes worked in) acting, directing, photography, music, programming, writing, editing, research, archiving, not to mention a good business acumen.
What's their main complaint? my temper.
But someone with a bad temper is not evil, they just lose their ... temper, when pushed far enough.
It is moreover, something inherited and i was raised with it, by tit. i've never struck anyone, unless they struck me first.
i just raise my voice, uncontrollably. indeed the whole temper thing is out of control and occurs when i am severely provoked as has been the case for the past four years by the thugs who loiter around my apartment 24/7 without succour from anyone.
when on a tantrum, i spout out things that are the opposite of how i feel about the people or things that i insult. i act the asshole, as a tantrumic, self-demeaning, self-harming put-on. in my anger i insult things and people that i love.
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