A hassankhan and a sherifelgazma walk into a bar

A hassankhanem and a sherifelgazma* walk into a bar, ig's bar, where the Hells angels were hanging out.
The hassankhan shouts/yells, "read Fanon, you fucking bastards."**
After the Hells angels beat the living crap out of them, they arrange them into a sixty-nine position
and skewer them both with a billiards cue so that the cue goes up one's ass and comes out the ass of the other.
Then they tie them up to the ceiling fan.
At which point the hells angels sergeant says, "Fan on for these fuckin' bastards."

___________________
* A hassankhan(em) (Platygonus nefast) is a type of peccary that spreads false rumours about me. Its existence is considered a missing link and a living fossil for evolutionary social immerit theory. It is often found accompanied by its sidekick lackey and talentless blunder, sherifelgazma (Pediculus pubis), a species of louse, in a classic example of a commensal symbiosis relationship.

** for the record, i do not agree w/ Fanon's conclusions.

###

... Read more

Another four-day insomnia

I finally slept.
Without looking, I know not for how long, nor do i remember what i was working on before this bout of insomnia, nor what i want to do.
It is terrible living like this, sleeping on only one day out of every four or five days.
I would kill myself, but it seems a pity, not to mention it would be wrong, incorrect.


... Read more

noise journal so far today, 21.ix.xv

after four days of insomnia last week, followed by two days of sleep and illness
, then a quiet night of insomnia/little sleep again,

today the noise journal so far, - these take place just meters from my desk and my bed! through a rickety window.

0012 beep honk.
0019 again car door slam after i cough.
0053 car door slam.
0105 honks.
0109-0110 longish beep honks, car door slam.
        loud car door slam.
        engine revving.
        car door slam or indistinct noise over my headphones.
0111 ditto.
0112 ditto.
0113 again.
0123 p8c honk.
0125 hollering.
0134 loud door slam.
0136 p8c honk.
0137 loud holler "aywa ya'bu ahmad"
0137 car door slam, car lock tweets.
0138 engine start.
0139 banging of their wooden squeaky shack door.
0140 engine humming, car door slam.
0158 two car door slams, after i get out of my desk.

0200 car lock beep.
b/f or ca. 0210 sonorous car door slam.
0211 loud hollering talking. another car door slam.
...
0228 car door slam.
0232 car door slam.
0235 two car door slams.
...


and if i go talk to them, they'll tell me to leave them alone and go back to
my "home" in a menacing manner.
and if it turns into a shouting match, the neighbors will get - again -
upset with me! not the thugs.
and if i persist, they'll start pushing me and threatening to beat me up.
and if i call the police, they won't take my call or won't show up/respond.
and if i wake the doorman/woman, the thugs will say
look how he wakes up the poor doormen in the middle of the night!

and they've been going at this level and frequency of noise and much more since last evening past 0900 or 1000 PM.

such is the insanity i have to deal with. Theirs. not mine.

... ... Read more

What Ben Carson really says about Muslims

Mr. Carson reportedly said he wouldn't put/trust/want a muslim running his great nation.
What he really seems to be saying, however, is
"[muslims don't count much for my numbers or political fortunes, and if it's popular in my most affluent rich racist constituencies to trash them, then i'll trash 'em. heck, if it'll raise my numbers, damn right i'll trash 'em.]"

Nevermind it could or would offend someone like John Coltrane or Ahmet Ertegun or Mohamed Ali or Malcolm X or Cat Stevens or Karim AbdulJabbar or Mohammad Abdus Salam or Saladin or Sadat or that king of Morocco who was the first foreign leader to officially recognize the independent United States, etc. etc. etc., to say nothing of the original and classical Muslim leaders who oversaw the establishment and radiation of an emperium that inherited both the Roman/Byzantine and Sassanid empires in the Near East that has endured in some form or another for more than a millennium.

There are not a few Muslims (among 1.2 or 1.6 billion, that's at least a few to a few dozen million, or actually any number of people) who believe that both the American values embodied in its constitution and principles of government and political theory and the values of islam and the tradition of its messenger and early leaders are much closer together than the dictatorships and fanaticism that riddle the islamicate world today and are in fact, almost nearly perfectly aligned, save for the muslim catechism (articles of faith).

While I agree that the loudest manifestations of "islam" today are contrary to American values and principles of government, i must also assert that muslim fanatics today are also contrary to the original values of islam itself as preached and practiced by the prophet of islam, by his earliest successors, the scholars who set the cornerstones of jurisprudence upon a system of consensus and those leaders that followed this tradition through a very long, global history.

Also, upon/or by way of reflection, [as the opposite of a counter-example,] Sadat apparently once said "the [coptic orthodox] pope should know that i am a muslim president of a muslim country," in a country that in its 63-year long post-independence republican history would have, to date, only a handful of generals and cabinet ministers who are Christian (this is an impression, not a fact and it is not verified).


### ... Read more

false novel names

دعاء الحيوان
عودة اللوح
ترترة على النيل
الوسادة الزانية
فى بيتنا عرص
عوار وراء الأسوار
الفانلة لا تزال على صدرى
...

###

... Read more

extreme upset, anxiety, stress

- extreme upset, anxiety, stress,
since last thursday, 17.ix.xv, at least three instances of street workers
        who do not know me, pointing at me, hollering about me:
        - 16.ix.xv garage attendants loitering and hollering behind my room,
                mockingly repeat a phrase from my conversation w/ an aunt the previous
                evening.
        - 16.ix.xv, qqn i did not see, but heard frm elevator when it stopped
                at ground flr, talking shit about me to doormen.
        - 17.ix.xv, ppl i've never seen b/f hollering "noura noura, noura must've
                upset him" (noura is the concierge who's also making my life difficult
                at home) at tramway station underneath parents' home.
        - 18.ix, friday, food poisoning,
        - 19.ix, when going to mother, garage attendants loitering at garage
                across the street, one of them points me out when i go out of the
                building and wait for a cab, the other turns to look at me, and
                turns around again.
        - 19.ix, past 1400, garage attendant loitering behind my room, whom i've
                never met, hollers ya magnoon, ya bta' el moxdarat.
nobody else is any help, not the parents, aunt/uncle, the neighbors,
        the doormen, the sister or anyone else i know.
cycles of noise and days-long insomnia persist.
strongly miss and need my former friends for reality-check, help, moral support,
        self-confidence.
extreme opacity is most upsetting, i don't know who those ppl are, what the
        fuck gets them to do this to me, talk about me, spread rumours about me,
        say i'm crazy, watch my movements.
        i don't know whether it's the govmt, just thugs, who someone set them on
        me, or how to end this.
        extreme opacity.
confrontations with them only help to cement the appearance that i am mad and
        or unhinged as no one is willing to believe this is going on, least of
        which the dozens of workers stuck to our homes like flies on trash.

... Read more

latest pearls of wisdom

- We love music because it is repetitive and we find comfort in or are accustomed to cycles of time, like those of the days, months and seasons.

- rodents have frightfully sharp incisor teeth.

- Canada, the Beaver State. Errr, Canada, the bear state (middle aged fat white guys with beer). Err, Canada, the polar bear state (middle aged fat white guys with beer and tiny dicks).

- music is a complex-valued function, just like time is a complex valued function of mass or energy. both are periodic.

- remote consciousness h and c and the piper at the gates of dawn.

- an essential quality of water is that it is hydrophilic.

... Read more

on religion

Remove the moral, ethical and epistemological systems encoded in the letter (primary texts) and spirit (as evidenced in the historical record) of islam and what you are left with is a stifling set of obligations and obstructions, injunctions and ritual that outwardly benefit only the hypocrite and the fanatic, while marginalizing and oppressing the learned and the enlightened - the truly good among the people.

...

... Read more

new new tracks

I added new tracks to my "new tracks" compilation (of music ideas and partially made tracks crapfest) at
https://soundcloud.com/iguemey/sets/new-tracks

### ... Read more

insomnia induced by the thugs

insomnia kept up by the thugs for three days,

i'm on my third day of insomnia, w/ numerous times of actually falling asleep
interrupted by their noise, that occur at times and in patterns that make
them obviously deliberate.

this occurs occurs after i go to bed,
0154-0200 two loud car lock tweets behind my wall sounded.
a tinny/metallic knock or bang heard, unusually near and an unusual sound.
0215 a wooden knock or bang is also sounded.
0219 five car lock beep tweets.

by 0222 told concierge's husband about it.
he had given me his permission to wake him in case they do this again.
he offered this himself.
i turned to him , per his offer, because going to see those thugs myself, their replies, their non-replies, their attitude often escalates my going to see them into a confrontation, where my voice uncontrollably rises, they gang up on me, i eventually get beaten up, and the fascist neighbors get incensed at crazy old me for stirring trouble - ignoring that i am , in fact, unable to sleep!



the noise jrnl for this date so far,

- noise.jrnl,
0053-54 thugs yakking loudly. car engine start.
0055 two beep honks.
0057 squeaking noise.

0125 car door slam. engine revving/humming.
0128/29 engine rev and s8y p8c honk.

this occurs after putting on music after a tv show,
<0151 engine start, engine revving.
0151 humming, idling.
0151 pan honk. another louder/closer pan honk.
a third longer pan honk.

this occurs occurs after i go to bed,
0154-0200 two loud car lock tweets behind my wall sounded.
a tinny/metallic knock or bang heard, unusually near and an unusual sound.
0215 a wooden knock or bang is also sounded.
0219 five car lock beep tweets.

by 0222 told concierge's husband about it.
he had given me his permission to wake him in case they do this again.

past 0414/20/30 while shtting in the toilet, something is knocked over
in the courtyard.

this occurs after returning to bed,
ca. 0500 car door slam
0503 thug sounds car lock beeps, twice, pouring water. car door slam.

0517 car lock beep.

I call the police, the emergency number does not answer, AS USUAL!
my chest is fucked from lack of sleep, inability to open windows - due to the thugs' noise - and constant smoking without the respite of sleep, and not least because of the upset - as I am by now - three days insomniac, and getting woken up by their noise which is all oddly situated right behind my wall - upset!


And there is no friend to offer any moral or actual support or help my self-confidence, or help me confront those fuckers.

Moving would be the fifth time in ten years, and i cannot afford it anyway.

0540 I call the police again - i haven't been able to sleep for three days or more.
But apparently the Egyptian police is too busy shooting tourists from helicopters, and rounding up every person with a brain into jails and torture dungeons.

They're not free or petty to look into the matter of someone deprived of sleep for four years by thugs who beat him up when he complains.


0523 chest gets fucked due to insomnia and upset.
and the loud coughing of course gives the bastard who's keeping me awake
the chance to gloat at me and hear the result of his work directly.
while, with me, years of reading, study and toil, get no reward or feedback whatever.

0539 beep honk and another thug replies with a beep honk from another car.


the noise jrnl entries for yesterday,
much of the noise ignored due to
being in a weird state after two days of insomnia,

- noise.jrnl,
0012 five car lock beeps, in two pairs and a single one.
0013 loud talking.
0013 car door slam.
ca./past 0500 beep honk.
0548 beep honk.
...
0708 beep honk.
0709 beep honk.
past 0700, past 0800 what sounds like hauling and throwing large wood blocks
        or whatever.
past 0900 through 0950 instances of repetitive and s8y honks, loud talk, etc.
1035-1037 older thug hollers loudly and yells loudly.
...
1241 motherfucker honks repeatedly as soon as i hang up with my sister on the phone.
        they're such low lives.

1603 asshole hollering at the top of his voice.
1612-1617 car alarm, hollering, hell.
1614 still with the car alarm, loud hollering and loud yakking by the vermin
        loitering around my apartment and bedroom and desk room.
1615 car alarm still going - three, four minutes now.
        + s8y beep honk.
        it is either a car alarm or someone tapping continually on a p8c horn.
1617 car alarm continuing. stops. the swine hollers.
1619 car lock beep alarm, then car lock tweets, car door slams.
...
2340 repetitive sonorous loud s8y beep honks behind my wall.



and the noise jrnl entries from the day before,
- noise.jrnl,
0120 three s8y pan honks.
0122 beep honks.
car door slam.
0123 another car door slam noises, rattling flimsy window.
for which i cannot find repair at a reasonable affordable price.

0140 two loud longish p8c honks replied to by a beep honk.
0141 pan honk.

0157 car door slams.

0200-?0240 fail just as i was falling asleep finally, six hrs after my slp
        was interrupted,
        at 0220 loud repetitive car lock/alarm beeps sounded behind
        my wall, jolt me from slumber.
        about five to ten minutes later, loud talk/hollering.
0240 after i got up, car alarm. and audible talk.
rather yelling. car engine start.
0243 car engine start.

0304 noise, beep honk.

0631 loud bang.
...
0701 banging plastic drums or buckets after sound of sex comes on my tv.
0724-0735 sleep try fail.
it just so happens (as is the running coincidence over the
past four years, that just after i get to bed, i hear loud talking
in the back alley then car door slams behind my wall!!!!!!!
Third or fourth time they get me out of my bed since yesterday at 2020.

all around sleeping (or trying to sleep) time they hijack my consciousness,
instead of thinking about the things ppl usually think about when they
go to sleep or when they wake up, or instead of focusing on the audio
soundtrack (audio book, music, video, whatever) that i keep on to distract
me from their noise and mask it out a bit,
they overtake my consciousness, turning it into a tense mode that is
increasingly stressed, and then frayed, where i'm just searching the
intermittent silence
for whether faint noises originate from them or not, or whether a sudden
loud noise of a car horn or car door or car alarm or car lock beeps
is the start of a new cluster of noise, or just a one-off after which
i can just relax into falling asleep.
it becomes a tense nervous anxious disturbed state of mind that quickly turns
to infuriaration and anger.
anger that has no outlet that does not harm me!

0742 single s8y beep honk. behind my wall! again.

0743 thug hollers.
0744 thug hollering extra loudly.

i feel the pain in my neck and back of mouth that one gets when welling up
w/ tears.

0754 two beep honks.
0755 loud holler , long beep honk.
...

and about recording their noises, what am i supposed to do?
try to sleep or sit in bed or at the window w/ finger on the record button
of the recorder?!

0813 thugs are hollering. loudly.

0821-0824 as soon as i go back to bed, s8y beep honk behind my wall.
        with no other sound of moving car or anything.

0825
ONCE AGAIN as soon as i go back to bed, another two beep honks.

0831 three beep honks.

0832 p8c honks as i go to bed, and hollering.
0850 thug hollers my name or something that sounds like it loudly and
        repeatedly.
0851 car lock beeps.
0858 car door slam. engine revving.


0920 older thug hollering loudly.
0920 beep honk.

of the ironies, or malice,
0920-0941 after i decide to stay up, after getting out of bed at 0850,
silence. no noises save the honks of passing traffic.

0943 two car door slams.

0950 to bed again,
0950-0955 Once again, after going to bed, repetitive s8y pan honks arise,
and thug hollers extra loudly.
0955 more long plaintive pan honks.
0956 pan honk again after he honked as if revving off.

0957 to bed again.

...
1022 organ s8y honk behind my wall while i have headphones on.
1025 organ honk and repeated car door slams behind my wall.
...
1106 playing with car lock beeps and car alarm. beep honks behind my wall.
...
1131 asshole yakking behind my wall.

1151 s8y beep honk as i move from rm to rm after sitting for the past 1-2 hrs.

1255 repetitive beep honk as soon as i enter my rm. after talking to doorwoman
        chiding her over what she did.
...

past 1500 honks and honk-backs and loud hollering back and forth.
...
1536 p8c honk after i go back to bed.
1543 fucking thug hollering at the top of his shitty voice behind my wall.
1547 fucking thug vermin is hollering at the top of his voice behind my wall.
1551 repetitive pan honks and thug hollers loudly "Aaaaah" more pan honks.
...
1555 beep honk/tap and thugs hollering their trade hollers and a loud
        "ta`ala".
...
1556 thugs hollering at the tops of their voices.
        extra loud hollers.
1557 ditto!

This is all in sharp contrast to when they were shut the fuck up while i was
on the phone!!!

1605 hollering something that sounds like my name again. followed by
        a question, "[indistinct] fein".
when i shut off the audio here - which isn't very loud -
        they totally shut up. a car engine starts.

1629 someone who's not in the building, yells allo after bonne arrives and rings
        my doorbell, and w/ concierge sitting outside at bldg's entrance.
...
1638 thugs hollering and having fun hollering.
traffic noises interspersed with the thugs hollering and braying.
...

1809 openwin to water plants
->
1810 two organ honks.
1821 hollering extra loudly.
1827 loud bang at bkyd.
1842 pan honks, repetitive. traffic honks.
...

1924 thug hollers "ya haithaaaam ... [indistinct]," extra loudly.
        followed by two s8y honks.
1944 two car door slams. s8y organ honk. engine revving. honks again as he
        fucks off.
1945 two more organ honks. i thought he fucked off.
        organ honk right behind my wall. another one farther off.


to bed: 1950-
ca./past 2000 some noise i can't remmbr interrupts falling asleep.
2015 someone rings my apartment's door bell, no one there, but i hear
        someone closing bldg's door, and i hear the doorwoman and husband
        and others standing at or outside that door.
2027 some car noise.
2043 car lock beep, maybe door slam.

past 2110 beep honks as i leave ktchn making insomnia tea.
2115 two car lock beeps behind my wall.
2116 another one. then, a car door slam. also behind my wall.
2121/22 after putting on a tv show, one or two car lock beeps again near
        or behind my wall.
2123/24 car door slam behind or near my wall.
...
2147/48 quarrelling yelling.
2149 p8c honks.
2149 p8c honks replied to w/ a loud/sonorous beep honk, followed by
        three or four more, followed by a holler, followed by another beep honk.
2154 extra loud holler right behind or over my wall. seems almost definitely

        deliberate to carry the sound/holler to me. but it's indistinct.

        maybe some cursing too.

2207 single s8y beep honk behind my wall.

past 2200-2320 several instances of beep honks, honks and honks-back.

2322 someone blowing a mizmar in back alley three times so far.

2333 loud car door slam.

###

These patterns have been going on similar to the above for the past four years!

... Read more

thrice the social exile

After the Egyptian cultural elite ejected me from their social/cultural circles, i was in a manner of speaking, handed over to (i.e. left to deal with only) mainstream Egyptians, who in their utter conservatism, bigotry and darkness, also shunned, ignored and maligned me, then handed me over to the bottom of the basket, the menial - migrants of rural or ("randomness") shanty towns origin - classes where a total and complete darkness of mind reigns supreme . Already, dealing with the mainstream Egyptians most of whom are vain,  conceited, obscurantist, anti-intellectual, stuffy, pompous, pretentious, hypocritical, and tyrannical
is so
 oppressive, suffocating, and utterly harmful
that one has to walk on eggshells and engage in
 silence, mediocrity and hypocrisy just to get by. Dealing with the "unwashed masses" is a whole 'nother ballgame. It is where reason or logic, utility or brightness truly cease to be of any relevance, let alone use, and completely break down and utterly fail.

so, one is thrice made a social exile.

### ... Read more

fuck you

The mother fuckers woke me up from hard to get (because of them!) sleep at 20:20 PM yesterday and 02:20 AM today, as i was finally succeeding in falling asleep six hours after they woke me up. And that's the tamest of their pattern of disruptive noise making for the past four years!

my mouse is busted,
my computer is busted,
my keyboard's busted,
my health's busted,

no one wants to sympathize or help , or talk to me
no friends,
no girlfriend or wife,
no job,
no sleep,
no health,
not even cereal - as the egyptian govmt enforces a monopoly to egyptian brands Temmy's and Nestle's
no car,
no privacy
no quiet
no help

fuck every one who refrains from giving me moral support or who obstructs any support or kindness or help toward me.

there is no doubt in my mind the fuckers have been deliberately interfering with my sleep for the past four years.


... Read more

noise journal 14.ix.xv

noise journal 14.ix.xv

0120 three s8y pan honks.
0122 beep honks.
car door slam.
0123 another car door slam noises, rattling flimsy window.
for which i cannot find repair at a reasonable affordable price.

0140 two loud longish p8c honks replied to by a beep honk.
0141 pan honk.

0157 car door slams.

0200-?0240 trying to sleep fails. just as i was falling asleep finally, six hrs after my slp
        was interrupted, at 0220 loud repetitive car lock/alarm beeps sounded behind
        my wall, jolt me from slumber.
        about five to ten minutes later, loud talk/hollering.
0240 after i got up, car alarm. and audible talk.
rather yelling. car engine start.
0243 car engine start.

teeth clenched, blood shooting up my forehead and temples, too agitated to sleep. too sleepy to work/study.

...

0304 noise, beep honk.

0631 loud bang.
...
0701 banging plastic drums or buckets after sound of sex comes on my tv.

0724-0735 sleep try fail. it just so happens (as is the running coincidence over the
past four years, that just after i get to bed, i hear loud talking
in the back alley then car door slams behind my wall!!!!!!!
Third or fourth time they get me out of my bed since yesterday at 2020.

all around sleeping (or trying to sleep) time they hijack my consciousness,
instead of thinking about the things ppl usually think about when they
go to sleep or when they wake up, or instead of focusing on the audio
soundtrack (audio book, music, video, whatever) that i keep on to distract
me from their noise and mask it out a bit,
they overtake my consciousness, turning it into a tense mode that is
increasingly stressed, and then frayed, where i'm just searching the
intermittent silence
for whether faint noises originate from them or not, or whether a sudden
loud noise of a car horn or car door or car alarm or car lock beeps
is the start of a new cluster of noise, or just a one-off after which
i can just relax into falling asleep.
it becomes a tense nervous anxious disturbed state of mind that quickly turns
to infuriaration and anger.
anger that has no outlet that does not harm me!

0742 single s8y beep honk. behind my wall! again.

0743 thug hollers.
0744 thug hollering extra loudly.

i feel the pain in my neck and back of mouth that one gets when welling up
w/ tears that somehow to make it all the way out.

0754 two beep honks.
0755 loud holler , long beep honk.
...

and about recording their noises, what am i supposed to do?
try to sleep or sit in bed or at the window w/ finger on the record button
of the recorder?!

0813 thugs are hollering. loudly.

0821-0824 as soon as i go back to bed, s8y beep honk behind my wall.
        with no other sound of moving car or anything.

0825
ONCE AGAIN as soon as i go back to bed, another two beep honks.

... Read more

End of the rope

Once again, at the same time, 8:20s PM, the thugs make loud noises with my neighbors' cars, interrupting my sleep, which hours and stability are overturned due to their noisemaking in the middle of the night.
Aside from the insomnia, angina, depression and tantrums they've induced in me, there's the aggravation and infuriation and hostility and negative vibe, leaving me with upset, insomnia and depression for the past four years.

The police, the family will not help. The neighbors will not help. All my friends abandoned me and none want to talk to me.
This is tantamount to killing me a slow death. with no hope of succour or rescue.

To make matters even worse, seeking psychiatric help, the "psychiatrists" in my city all prescribe zanax after two minutes of talking. They are all unanimous: there are no therapists in the city - in the ENTIRE CITY.

Confronting the thugs has resulted in breaking my arm twice.

I cannot go on living indefinitely with constant upset, insomnia, depression and worsening disease.

I am intelligent and multi-talented, I deserve quiet, peace, privacy, a job and friends.
Even fucking Pablo Escobar and Usama Bin Laden had friends.

This is the result of the Egyptian state and police REFUSING to help and the failure of the entire Egyptian society and Egyptian life to redress my grievances and give me sleep!

This is the failure of family, friends, neighbors and the police to intervene effectively on my behalf, or at least
alleviate my crushing isolation and sense of helplessness , or my insomnia and depression.
Of the former friends who have abandoned me to such a slow death - in addition to floating false rumours about me and humiliating me and depriving me of my own social circle, they're all successful professionals and socialites.

I would much rather write about mathematics, history, music, programming, but life in this god forsaken devil's cunt-ry, Egypt, has left me worried and struggling for the absolute basics in life, let alone pursue immersion constancy and continuity in my studies:
- inability to sleep,
- no privacy,
- moving residence FIVE TIMES because of noises by loitering street thugs that neighbors acquiess to,
- worried whether meat i eat is donkey meat or
- the fish is fed on human and agricultural sewage!
- Wondering why no friend will talk to me or meet me (save for one or two) since 2004
- fighting false rumours floated about me by supposed "friends"
- all the goods available are of low shoddy quality and yet is overpriced
- no jobs or job security, and when there is one, it's for peanuts, even though i'm a good programmer,
- not to mention living with terrorism , a brewing civil war and a terrorist insurgency,
- with the only line between citizens and terrorists is a brutal corrupt incapable inept failing mafia that poses as a state. So no basic security either. Indeed thugs broke my arm twice and they still loiter around my apartment some two years later!

No security, no sleep, no friends, no work, no society, no services, no possibility of leaving this shit cunt-ry, nothing!

- let alone no marriage, no children, no girlfriend or possibility of meeting a woman of my social and educational background.

- even applying for graduate school, my alma mater, the American University in Cairo failed to send out my transcripts ruining the admissions process, leaving me demoralized, ruining my life.


... Read more

Egyptians are

Egyptians are so retarded and averse to education that they start the grade school year only in October or very late September, and end it in December! ... Read more

About ello

the site ello .co is a fake social network site setup by the mossad. According to my analysis, most accounts on it are fake and automated. Active users are mossad agents posing as “artists”. ... Read more

the parents

i've always - up to now - refrained from talking specifically about my parents and the shit they do to me, mainly because most of my former friends' parents are dead - and i wanted neither to hurt their feeling on that front, nor invite envy of the fact that my parents are still alive that might actually precipitate their death.

But this just takes the cake and once again cements the fact that their mistreatment of me is one of the biggest obstructions and impediments in my life on all fronts - they have interfered with my well being, people's perceptions of me, people taking licenses in disrespecting me by either putting me on a false pedestal (like smother) and demeaning me (father).

so this snippet from my diary today really is a classic example of their hiding facts, their harmful taciturnness, their failure to stand up for me when required, etc.:

even though i withheld the monthly from the doorwoman for svrl reasons,
all having to do with basic respect, and her continual impertinence
and lies,
she went to my parents and father gave her the monthly, even though at the
start of the month i expressly asked him not to give it to her.

i tell them about it on the phone, they say she went to them and starting yelling

then the honorable father starts cursing my mother,
who then comes to me , and whom i kick out.

then it turns out they're both lying.
and i'm not sure whether she went to them
and according to him, she was yelling and mother told him to pay her
to stop her yelling,
or she whether talked to the father as he passed by the building.

result, my will and retort to her impertinence is completely lost and
nullified, and i cannot even tell the truth from falsity.

as usual people - like the thugs outside my apartment whistling and
yelling and who just this morning made falsetto laughs mocking me
as i was about to leave the building after many days shut in,
- are given the lesson that it is okay to disrespect me and it is okay
to treat me like shit.

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why i am great and shunned

click the link, motherfucker.


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Will

Will ANYBODY EVER      fucking call me or hang out with me or hold a fucking conversation with me?

I spent all my life studying at the best schools available and chasing jobs and reading and tabulating so that i end up living my last years then dying (of grief and insomnia) amid fucking gypsies and provincial doormen squatting all around my apartment?!

I need to speak to fucking musicians, programmers, to people of my age, to women of my age.

I want to have a fucking intelligent conversation.

I want to be of ANY fucking use in ANY of the fucking fields i've toiled so much in - for years - alone - without the slightest help from anyone.

I need music production help, programming help, software configuration help, reality checks and life advice!!!

I need some intelligent company other than the fucking doormen and their very large extended family squatting in the courtyard outside my bathroom, listening to me fart in my bathroom and laughing!

I need an intelligent conversation! It is not fair to end up isolated for years without any friends or conversation!

The fucking rich snobs from school and college who've snubbed and isolated me complained i lacked social smarts.

Well, by now, i've lost ALL the social skills I learned in the 80s and 90s and 2000s!

...
Through 20 ~ 30 years i've impressed NO ONE with any redeeming quality about me that would make ANYONE want to call me - particularly after years of isolation?

Are those people insane?!

it's not my fault NOBODY ever looks me up for favors or help !

...

... Read more