socially deprived

so sick at being interminably deprived of society, association and friendship; deprived of having intelligent educated cultured women as friends, of having no friends or buddies or girlfriends or any kind of society or association. women despise me and hate my guts. the only ppl i see are the concierge and her extended family and cohort of endless relatives and visitors who loiter in the bldg's entrance and the in courtyard; the food delivery ppl - presumptuous and often rude or imbecilic ; the thugs who loiter day and night outside my home and who've turned me into the butt of their jokes, derision and verbal and noise and sometimes physical abuse - without an iota of sympathy or help from neighbors or the police. when will i have friends or friendship? when will ever anyone - particularly women -look at me with a modicum of respect. i've been buried alive without society since the mid to late 90s. despite being technically ok, i've been deprived of jobs, advancement in jobs and a career, deprived of friendship and intelligent conversation, hanging out, parties, trips, etc. i reject this life - i'm sick of it. i wish i had died many many years ago.