nobody

i want to have women friends and hang out with educated women.
i want to jam and to collaborate on shit.
i want to fucking have friends.
i want to fucking have an intelligent conversation with an intelligent person.

i haven't had that since the fucking 90s.

i want to have adult friends of my age and my intellect.

i want to fucking go to nightclubs and to parties.

i want a fucking job a fucking steady job. i want a car and a stable quiet private residence.

i want to sleep when i want.

i want to have a friend or friends.
i want to hang out and talk.

i want goddamned friends i knew from school and college.

and i want to like me and respect me.

i want to have adult friends of my age and my intellect.

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Proofs humanity is the stupidest species in the world

- Plato’s dialogues

- the Gods-must-be-placated-with-material-goods racket. It lasted thousands of years, and to a lesser extent to this day.

- History repeats itself.

- It took humanity 150 thousand years to come up with the beginnings of writing. It took them a further seven thousand years to come up with computing. Even then, seven decades after building computers, computing and networked computing remain in a wild west sort of situation.

- every human culture wants to rule the world and thinks it is the greatest.

- for all their boasting of powers of observation and moralizing, they are the most destructive force in nature short of a large asteroid impact.

- unlike all other organisms, humans torture each other and others.

- Despite being control freaks, humans are nearly perpetually catching up with a world out of control, often due to their action.

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Arctic oil belongs to Inuit nation

The Inuit people should unite and form a nation-state. It would be one of the largest countries on Earth encompassing most of the Arctic circle and having sole claim to its reserves of oil.

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question

question,
why is there a need for the complexity seen at the nucleus level?
would it be sufficient for the universe if the nucleus was a simple
point charge like the electron?
why all the other hundreds of transient particles emitted and decay
and the weak forces responsible for them and the strong force and
its incredibly complex dynamics?

we know that nature is efficient to a tee (to rephrase w/ a better expression).
so there must a necessary function fulfilled by the subatomic scale
being so complex rather than a simple -ve / +ve charge model of the atom.

could it play some sort of as yet unseen indirect role in the formation
of that one force for which no gauge theory exists yet, the gravitational force?

could it happen to be at the root of other macro level effects

Update: todo - after sleep!...

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ironies beyond funny

'tis not funny

i've endeavoured all my life to learn and be cultured and civilized.
and yet in the middle of the urban jungle, and having to live with all the urban
shit that comes with it,
i am surrounded by rurals all around my apartment,
with only thin walls separating us.
they are not of my social or intellectual or any other class.
they are upper egyptian gypsie hungar doormen who loiter and squat in the
crtyard all around my kitchen and bathroom on one side,
and a group of criminal thugs hailing from the city's most criminally notorious
shanty town all around the other half of the apt.

my neighbors, the other tenants in the bldg, other middle class educated professional bourgeois,
i never see them, they never help me or talk to me, as if they do not exist.
my actual neighborhood consisists only of those hooligans and thugs and imbecile prejudiced bigoted ignorant rurals

who have blighted my life with bigotry, prejudice, disrespect, class conflict, noise, filth,
the courtyard is full of rats weasels insects due to their filthy lifestyle.

and they are all around my windows, right outside my windows all around my cursed residence.

and ironically, all the people i've loved, all the people i want to associate with,
are impossible to be with, with them despising me, abandoning boycotting and slandering me,
and hating me ..

all that i hate however is so close to me they hear me snore in my bed and fart in the bathroom,
and think i'm insane if i sing or hum in my kitchen. they hear my phone calls, my tantrums,

and being so isolated with only limited interactions with menial handymen, delivery ppl,

the entirety of my meager inteactions with others happen right within their eyesight and earshot,
or hearing.

so i am deprived of privacy, quiet, being w/ peers of my own fucking social and educational and professional class,
and i am surrounded and engulfed in and suffocated with the exact opposite,
the very examples of ignorance and backwardness in the country, sticking on me like flies on shit.

the ironies are terrible, crushing.

the deprivation and the misery equally so.

and there is no way out.

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thugs

THUGS HAVE LOITERED AROUND MY HOME AND TORMENTED ME FOR FOUR YEARS - NOT LEAST OF IT DISRUPTED AND DEPRIVED ME OF SLEEP  FOR FOUR YEARS, BROKE MY WRIST ON TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS, CAUSED ME ANGINA, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, CHRONIC INSOMNIA, STOLE MY CATS, PREVENTED ME FROM PROPER SLEEP OR STUDY ETC.

POLICE AND NEIGHBORS HAVE REFUSED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.

THIS IS SOME OF WHAT THEY DID TO ME OVER FOUR YEARS:

- the thugs over years and repeatedly
they stole my cats - one of them irreplaceable never recovered

the other one was returned only after i announced a 1000 pounds reward. it was skeleton thin and its side was shaved.
And then they made fun of the matter, even though i'd been looking for the cat for days and they were asked about it.

they call out my mother's nickname, sister's, outside my windows

they beat me up  and threatened me
broke my wrist twice
and threatened to break the other one if i don't stay quiet 

eavesdropped almost continually
made up false highly damaging and dangerous rumours about me
got my phone calls content from police phone monitors
made noises near wherever i go in the apt. and timing it so w/ hollers, honks
hoot calls, insults, etc.
these patterns and noise making caused preventing the use of more than
half the apt.
w/ much of the other half's privacy intruded upon by the concierge's very
large extended family (been seeing new "members" and faces of all ages
for the past four years) squatting and taking over all the public spc
of the bldg as their own private residence - w/ the leave of the landlord
who does not provide them w/ living arrangements other than this.
affected my slp cycle to point of insomnia and missing days w/ parents
affected my anger issues and anger management efforts
caused me insomnia, anxiety, stress, angina, worse gut trouble etc.
made fun of my coughing fits
make fun of me when i lose my temper
send street kids around to follow me laugh and make hoot calls at me
etc.
followed me and inquired about me
exchanged gossip and lies about me w/ police informers
and congregated w/ them and made fun of me, slandered and insulted me
right outside my home - repeatedly
holler extra loudly and honk deliberately to annoy me.
etc.
used their knowledge of my short temper to provoke me into confrontation
spread false damaging and dangerous gossip about me in the entire neighborhood
spanning to my parents' home.
increased my stress, paranoia, anxiety and anger issues exacerbating
existing problems of social exclusion and isolation and (issues of)
social professional and personal failures.
interrupted my study and music practice on a piano i continued to pay for
which rent.
one of them, the most imbecilic, once called at me trying to distract
as i was crossing the street amid two-way traffic.
more than once would lurk in front of the bldg's entrance to see
who's coming and going to my apt. he would enter the bldg to see when
maid leaves for instance. possibly after hearing our parting dialogue
and door slam from the side alley, meters from the inside of my apt.
and the apt. door.



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